Why is it all worth it?

Since starting this blog, my oh-so small support system has grown. I depend heavily on those that are close to me to get me to appointments, drive me to dialysis, take me in for the occasional broken arm or other various non-kidney injury. I literally am living for those that help to take care of me. It's not hard to notice that as I get more sick, or the longer I remain sick, the 'bandwagon friends' start dropping like flies. This is a turbulant disease that really helps me to see who my number one fans are. Just as I stared to feel like I no longer had support from some of the most important people in my life, I got the most excellent dose of faith, hope, luck, and love.


From 2002-2008, every summer I had the most wonderful experiences that were, hands down, my 'saving grace,' if you will. Every July, Saint Dorothy's Rest opens it's doors to the 'critically ill' (although I don't agree with the term, it's somewhat accurate) and allows Transplant patients just like me to attend an entire week of summer camp with little-to-no cost to the children/families. Being at Health Camp is almost like being in another state or on another planet. For 5 days I got to live in a place where we look at you funny if you AREN'T sick. A place where, reguardless of your 'boob tubes,' gnarly scars, or medication side effects, you can be yourself and everybody understands more than anyone at home ever will.

Unfortunately, as I'm continuing to find out little by little as I "grow up," all good things must come to an end. In 2008 I had to say goodbye to the redwoods, and the Farmer Lodge, and my friends from all over California and out of state. Not just friends, but family. Empathy is one thing, but you will never be able to understand my attitude or feelings until you are right there with me, taking the meds, taking the scars, and managing to deal. I still have not made it back to the redwoods, but once in a blue moon, I get to see my friends.

Tuesday night, Molly the Heart transplant drove down to Livermore from Roseville, Wednesday we drove to SFO to pick up Annie the Kidney who flew in from Nebraska and Raven the liver from Oregon. Today Amanda the Liver is driving in from Fresno, Saturday we are all going to Stanford to pick up Trista the Heart as she gets home from her last year at Saint Dot's, and Sunday Lexi the Kidney from Los Gatos and Jimmy the Kidney from Union City are coming out as well and we're all having a big barbeque. I feel at peace. I belong. I am confident and happy.

It almost makes me forget I'm sick. It almost makes me forget the people staring at me. It almost makes me forget all this crap. Almost.