Boob Tubes

On March 17th of this year, I showed up to general surgery at Walnut Creek Kaiser, nervous as hell, to have a tunnel catheter installed in my Juggular for Dialysis acess. Right on my chest. Two tubes coming right out of my cleavage. Awesome. After getting past the idea that I would soon have a "boob tube," I started thinking that getting over the aesthetics may only be a small part of the recovery. Boy was I right. My dad and I sat there waiting for an hour when someone came up and told us that it would be about another hour, someone sicker than me needed my surgeon in the OR, we didn't mind, we never do.. It was another three hours, and finally they wheeled me downstairs. My heart started racing. I was very obviously anxoius as I discussed the various drugs they would use to dope me up, it was a conscious sedation- that's right folks, I was going to be conscious while the doctor dug a hole in my chest and shoved a tube down into my heart. And my anxiety was not curbed when I was wheeled into the cold sterile room, as they dowsed me in iodine and covered my face with a medical "sheet" of sorts. Not being able to see a procedure being performed is something I have a real problem with. When I can see what doctors and nurses and other medical staff are doing to me, I have a sense of control. I watched and listened carefully to what I could on the cold table in that cold room, with my face all covered. And slowly my speech started to slur and I drifted into a nap, a drug-enduced, plesant dream, lovely nap.(which I was later told required more than three times the "normal" amount of medication) And then I woke up.
FUCKING OUCH. I felt like a torn up rag doll that just lost an arm. It was some of the most excruciating pain I have felt, and I have felt a lot of excruciating pain. I would now lose my right arm, and most basic movements of my body for about three weeks, and I am not allowed to shower due to risk of infection, things we're going to get worse before they got any better, but I could finally feel alive again. I was ready for my first Dialysis treatment. I was ready to feel better.