I promise an actual update is on it's way!
Today(1/3/2011) marks my 125th dialysis treatment to date. It seems like only yesterday I was in the recovery room in the most pain imagineable, still not knowing what to expect. Although I've become an old pro, it hasn't gotten any easier with time. It still makes me sick, and it's still the slowest ten hours of my week. It's all I can think about and most of what I worry about in a typical day. Some days I feel like wearing a sign on my chest with bullet points to remind people how fucked up and sickly I am. In fact, I might just be onto something.. Maybe if I had a list of my ailments next to the boob tube it would prevent some of the foul stares I get several times a day. I've got some inside info for those of you that like to stare at people because they're different from you.. ready? WHEN YOU STARE, I CAN SEE YOU LOOKING. And when you squinch up your face in horror or disgust at the endless possibilities of the cause of my hideously offensive deformity, I want to just slap the shit out of you and call your mother to insult her parenting skills. Yes, I have medical issues. Yes, I have scars and bandages etc. on various parts of my body. And yes! It TOTALLY SUCKS! although I'm partially bionic and completely medically complicated, I'm still human and I still deserve some descretion when you are staring at the parts of me I am most self conscious of. Seriously, if you are curoius about my bandage and obvious boob tube, ask me about it. ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS ASK BROS. It cannot be too foreign of a concept because, from time to time there are some partially decent douchebags that manage to muster up the strength to say "OH RAD IS THAT A NEW TAT?" to which I typically respond to based on a couple of factors..
- Whether or not I have time to answer your dipshit questions like 'did it hurt!?'
- If you seem to be super jazzed off it being a tattoo, it sucks to let you down with my usual depressing explination.
- My mood.
- Whether or not it mattered if you knew the truth.
I'll either say, 'actually, no. I'm on dialysis and waiting for a kidney transplant' or, 'yeah, awesome tattoo, but this is my last bandage so I dont want to peel the tape off' I usually pair that last one with a made up tattoo concept, some sort of weird animal to tattoo there or something.
Really, whether or not you point and laugh, stare til your eyes fall out, or nervously avoid looking at the things that make me unique, makes no difference to me. but I hope you stop doing it to anyone else, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that can handle it all (;
